Getting Married

Getting Married

Getting Married

1. When a couple has set a date for the wedding and has started the
preparations the bride must make a Hefsek Betahara and count seven clean
days. She must do an internal check at least on the first and seventh
days. (see the chapter on Hefsek

2. Immersion in the Mikveh should be as close to the wedding as possible.
During the intervening days after she has immersed in the mikveh and
before the wedding she should check herself daily to ensure she is not
menstruating. If this was neglected and she checked only once during the
seven days before the wedding it is still acceptable.

3. Even if the bride is elderly and has stopped menstruating she must
follow these rules since she may have seen blood from the strong emotions
associated with getting married.

4. These rules also apply if a divorced couple is getting remarried

5. If a couple was living together and they returned to the ways of the
Torah and they decided to get married, even if she is pregnant she must
count seven clean days and immerse just like any one else. This is
because marriage is a different status from merely living together.

6. If a bride had already prepared for the wedding and has counted seven
clean days then a raging argument broke out between the families of the
bride and groom causing the wedding to be indefinitely postponed, her
seven clean days are also not nullified. When the families calm down and
set a new date, the bride must count another seven clean days and immerse
in the mikveh again, as it is possible that in her excitement at the
setting of the new date could cause her to menstruate.

7. If at the time of the argument a new date has been set and this date
is within a month after the argument she need not count another seven
clean days.

8. If it was absolutely necessary to have the wedding before she has
completed seven clean days, or she unexpectedly became Niddah, the newly
married couple may not be alone without a chaperon. Instead the “groom
should sleep with other men and the bride with other women” (a single
chaperon who is old enough to know what marital relations are is
sufficient). It makes no difference if one of them has been previously

9. If the couple tried to consummate the marriage but were unsuccessful
(if there was not a complete insertion), if she became Niddah before they
completed having relations they do not have to separate and can sleep in
one room alone like any other married couple.

10. Bleeding caused by the rupturing of the hymen does not make the woman
niddah (since only menstruation makes her niddah). If such bleeding
occurs when the couple is consummating the marriage or even at a later
time while they are newlyweds the couple may continue without worrying
that the woman is niddah.

However, even if the woman did not bleed from the first time the couple
had sexual intercourse, the woman is considered niddah. Our rabbis feared
that the strong emotions associated with having sexual intercourse for
the first time might have caused her to menstruate slightly and that the
blood was covered by her bleeding from the hymen or by the husband’s

11. The only difference between the separations of those who separate
because of the blood of virginity and every one else separating from a
woman who is niddah: he may lie in her bed if she is not around, likewise
she may lie in his bed if he is not around.

12. This separation only applies to those who completed having relations.
However, if there was only partial penetration by the husband she might
not be niddah. The woman should check to see if she is bleeding: if found
clean she is not niddah. They may continue having sexual relations until
there is a complete insertion.

13. After they have completed their first relations she is, for the
most part like a normal niddah and must do a regular Hefsek Betahara on
the fourth day and starts to count her seven clean days on the fifth day
(as discussed in the chapter on Hefsek Betahara)

14. As discussed in the chapter on Hefsek Betahara, if she would like to
start counting her seven clean days from the next day she may take a hot
bath which washes out all of the semen and to wipe herself with a cloth.
She may then do her Hefsek Betahara before night time. This is especially
applicable if her normal menstruation is soon expected.

15. After she has properly immersed, when the couple resumes having
sexual relations, there is no suspicion that she may have seen blood from
the strong emotions associated with sexual intercourse. However, if she
did bleed from her hymen again they must separate, as in the first time.
this applies even if she bled from her hymen several times. As normal she
must do a Hefsek Betahara and immerse after seven clean days.

16. If the first relations were complete and after she immersed in a
mikveh, they had relations a second time, if she found a stain smaller
than the “size of a bean”, even if she felt pain from relations she is
not niddah since it is assumed that the blood is from another source. If
the stain was larger than the “size of a bean” and was found on a
colored sheet she is also pure. (see chapter which discusses stains)

17. Strictness should be applied if the stain was found right under her
in the spot that they had relations.

18. If they completed having relations the first time after she immersed
int he mikveh she need not check if she is bleeding when they again have
relations. If she experienced pain the second time it is better to be
cautious and check to see if she is indeed bleeding.

19. The couple may have relations for the first time on shabbat, even
when there is a possibility that the woman may bleed because of the
rupturing of her hymen.

20. When a new husband is unable to complete the first relations
because her hymen would not break and a doctor subsequently had to
surgically remove it, she does not become niddah since any bleeding she
might have had is a result of the operation.

21. Halachically speaking a woman need not check herself for bleeding
except when her period is expected at which time all women must check
before they resume relations with their husbands. Soon after she gets
married a woman who does not have a fixed period must check herself three
times before and after having relations. This is to be sure that she does
not have uterine bleeding from sexual relations. 14

22. After the woman has finished bleeding due to the rupturing of the
hymen, (this might take several times, and even though she is she is
considered niddah, she is not considered as one who menstruates due to
relations (see the chapter on Bleeding from Relations) since here the
blood is from a wound and is not uterine.)

After she has ceased to bleed once, she must check for blood before
having relations and both he and she must check after relations, this
must be repeated three times and it is supposed to prove that she does
not bleed from relations.

23. This checking need not be done after every time they have relations
in one night, instead every time they finish they should wipe themselves
with a clean, white, checked cloth and in the morning they may check the
cloths if blood is found she is impure.

24.If she checked herself and lost the cloth she should not have
relations until she checks again.