by Micki Lavin-Pell, Marriage and Family Therapist and Dating Coach-

Many of my clients have shared with me how difficult it is to feel excited when they meet a potential new partner. So many of us long for that loving feeling, yet really struggle to encounter it, at least initially. A large part of the reason for this is that the human race is working harder than ever. It is rather ironic how the more we rely upon technology, which is intended to make our lives easier and more convenient the less time and space we actually have for leisure, fun and of course love. Work overload can be a real feeling killer.

Many have shared with me that they cling to work to feel a greater sense of meaning and purpose in their lives as their love lives haven’t yet panned out the way that they would like. It is as though so many are fearful of feeling the pain of loneliness that they would rather fill the space with the pain of hard work. While it makes a lot of sense that busying ourselves so that we don’t have to deal with our loneliness in theory sounds like a good idea, it is merely a quick fix solution, that doesn’t have a good long term outcome.

The more we busy ourselves to dull our feelings of loneliness the more we are keeping ourselves from truly allowing love in. Conversely, the more we embrace our feelings of loneliness, the more we create the potential for love, because we become more aware of our need for it. Additionally, the more we are in touch with what we don’t want in our lives, the better able we will be to identify, attract and create space for love.

Feeling lonely isn’t a bad thing. It can be painful, but it can also inform what we need to do to create the change in our lives that we seek. Far too many couples come to my practice complaining of the fact that despite the fact that they are now married, they continue to feel lonely. When we are unattached we need to take advantage of our loneliness and allow ourselves to know what really nourishes our souls and how to make ourselves feel alive. The more we allow ourselves to do this before we find the one, the more likely we will be to attract someone who enables us to continue to be to ourselves and keep us growing.

The more we allow ourselves to know what we need before sealing the deal with a potential partner, the more likely we will be to attract the right one and to keep the love alive!

Micki Lavin-Pell, MS, MA has been a practicing Marriage and Family Therapist since 2002. Micki completed her training at Alma Family Therapy in Melbourne, Australia. She currently lives in Jerusalem, Israel and sees clients from all over the world via Skype. She is also a qualified Prepare/Enrich educator. Prepare/Enrich is a research based program that exists in 13 different countries and has been proven to help newly-married and engaged couples create more successful and long lasting marriages. Since completing her coursework, Micki has had the pleasure of counseling both individuals and couples from varied and diverse backgrounds. Her work primarily consists of working with individuals who are looking to get married or couples in the early years of marriage looking for skills to improve all aspects of their relationship (communication, conflict resolution, finance, intimacy, in-laws, goal setting, etc…). Micki’s private practice is called Relationship Renovation, as she believes that we all have the ability to create and develop the relationship that we desire. Visit her website at: